GD Fanfic - Change

_{- Billie’s Point of View -}

Thought I ran into you down on the street
Then it turned out to only be a dream
I made a point to burn all of the photographs
She went away and then I took a different path
I remember the face…

I felt someone touch my shoulder.  I ignored and continued to skull down the beer.
“You should go home Billie” the voice said remaining the hand on my shoulder.
“I have no home to go to” My words were all slurred and I felt like shit.
“Why’s that?”
“Because…”  I paused.  I couldn’t remember why.  I just sat there staring out to space.  The person removed their hand and sat next to me.  His face was bright, yet pale.  His worried blue eyes staring into mine.  I felt like crawling in a hole and dying, but Mike’s face staring at me made me feel somewhat better.  Even though his expression was fairly blank, it made me feel happy inside.  It reminded me of the first time we met.  
Mike found me crying in the bathroom in the 5th grade.  I was upset about my father being sick.  He helped me get through his death.  We stuck together like brothers.  We are brothers.  We spent so much time together during the Summer Holidays looning around making asses of ourselves.  Mum was stressed out about Dad dying, so Mike’s family invited me to stay with them through the Summer Break.  It gave Mum space.
Mike continued to stare into my eyes.  I tried ignoring, but his stare was so damn hard to ignore.  I sat up and ordered another beer.
“Getting drunk won’t help your divorce…”  Mike said leaning on the table.
“What makes you so damn sure?”  I ask pulling out my wallet.
“Because you’ll just get pissed and start throwing things.  Trust me.  I’ve seen you do it” I roll my eyes and bury my face into my hands.  Mike pats me on the back and gives me a smile.  “Come stay at my place.  Make yourself useful and help babysit Estelle for me.”  I look up from my hands.  
“Am I too drunk to babysit?”  I ask to make sure I would be safe around a little girl.  Mike raised an eyebrow and stood a few meters away from me.  He held up his hand.  
“How many fingers am I holding up?”  I squint at his hand and notice he is giving me the finger.  
“Haw, Haw very funny” I say sarcastically leaving a 10 dollar bill on the counter.
“Common Billie.  Tre will be coming too because…well…you know...”
“He has no life?”  We both laugh.  The laughing gradually turned into an awkward silence.
“Yeah…pretty much” Mike said shrugging.
I got into Mike’s car feeling a little dizzy from the last beer I had.  Mike pulled out from the car park and drove down the suburban streets.  I felt like crying.  The thought of divorcing Adrienne had just sunk in.  I leaned my head against the window staring out into the darkness.  A tear rolled down my face and I quickly wiped it away as Mike looked at me with a worried face.  I put my arms up under my head forming a pillow.
“You okay?”  Mike asked quickly glancing over at me while trying to keep his eye on the road at the same time.  I just yawned, nodded and drifted off to sleep.

I awoke to a cold shiver down my spine.  More like cold paste on my face.  I woke to find glue and glitter all over my face.  Estelle sat on the carpet staring at me making a cheeky little giggles holding a small container of paste.  Before I could catch her she ran off.  I slid myself off the couch and wobbled my way to the kitchen finding Mike and Tre sitting at the counter sipping coffee.  Acting like normal people really.  They turned their heads when they heard me step in.  They both just stared at my face.
“Nice look bud!”  Tre said snickering.  Mike and Tre start pissing themselves laughing.  I just stand there with an amusing expression on my face.  By the time the laughing settled I had already washed it all off in the kitchen sink and had sat myself down next to them.
“Haven’t you guys even bothered to babysit Estelle?” I ask leaning over the table.
“We didn’t need to…she was already occupied once we dragged you out of the car and onto the couch.  She had a great time giving you a makeover.” Tre snickered again.
“Well where is she now?”
“Probably in her room or something…”  Mike said waving his arm around.  I leaned my head against the table remembering what had just happened only a few hours ago.  The dreaded divorce papers thrown in my face along with a pen and a screaming wife.  I looked up from the table and noticed how peaceful it was around the room.  How at the same time I felt miserable yet…free.  I put a small grin on my face and looked up at Tre and Mike silently.
“What are you so happy about glitter-face?”  Tre asked looked down from his coffee.  
“Oh, nothing…just the lipstick and woman’s blush all over your face” Tre stood up in a rush, nearly knocking the chair over, and ran to the bathroom to check his face.
“Pfft, what an asshole.  I actually thought Tre would like the thought of wearing woman’s makeup.” I said grinning at Mike.  Mike gave a small snicker.
Tre walked back in with a blank face.
“You’re such a faggot Billie Joe” Tre said jokingly sitting himself back at the table.  “A minute ago you were so upset.  What’s gotten into you the past few minutes?”  
“I guess it must be an adrenalin rush or something…” I said scratching my head.  A minute ago I felt like crawling into a hole to die.  Now I just don’t feel all that bad.
“Hmm, it’s getting late” Murmured Mike as he looked down at his watch.  “I better go put sweety-cuns to bed then” Tre snickered as Mike said ‘sweety-cuns’.  Mike ignored him and walked out.  A few minutes passed and Mike came bolting back into the kitchen. “I can’t find Estelle” He said in a worried tone.  Tre and I both stood quickly to help Mike look.  I headed upstairs and looked through all the rooms.  Tre headed to Mike’s bedroom to look.  We were practically running as we looked.  Mike gets so worried about Estelle so easily.  I walked slowly down stairs with my head down.
“Can’t find her” I said silently to Tre trying to not let Mike hear.
“Neither” Tre replied.
“What?  Did you find her?”  Mike said bolting towards us.  We both shook our heads slowly.
“Oh Shit!” Mike yelled.
“Well, where did you see her go after she glittered your face?” Tre asked facing me.
“I think she headed towards the back door.”  We all froze in shock and all simultaneously ran to the back door.  The dog door flapped in the wind.
“Do you even have a dog?”  Tre asked.  But before anyone answered Mike was already heading out the back door.  Mike hastily ran around the dark backyard looking behind bushes and trees, calling for her.  5 Minutes passed of Mike frantically searching.  Eventually he kicked the ground and stomped inside plunging himself on the couch all teary eyed.
“Where could she be?”  Mike whispered holding his head down.
“Daddy?”  Mike looked up and saw the little girl tugging his dark track pants.
“Where the hell did you go!?”  Mike yelled picking her up and hugging her.  
“I was playing hid and seek with Teddy.  He didn’t find me though” I watched them hug.  It reminded me of my boys, Joey and Jakob.  Suddenly Adrienne’s face came into my mind.  I miss her.  I miss her a lot.  I turned around trying not to cry holding my eyes tightly shut.  Tre looked over at me putting a hand on my shoulder.
“You alright?”  I looked down and hugged myself.  “You miss her?”  Tre asked putting his arm around my shoulder.  I nod slowly keeping the tears in, just standing there.  
“You wanna call her?”  Mike asked walking towards us holding Estelle in his arms.
“We’ll probably just fight again” I said feeling my voice going all wobbly.  Mike put his arm around my shoulder as well with a smile on his face.
“What’s wrong Billie?”  Estelle asked patting my messy hair.
“Billie’s just sad.  Grown-ups get sad too, like when you cut your knee, you get sad.”  Mike explained.
“Have you cut your knee Billie?”  Estelle asked trying to find his face.  I just turned the other way.  I was too upset to say anything.  If I tried, I’d probably burst out in tears.
“I think it’s time you went to bed Missy” Mike said as he started walking up stairs with Estelle still in his arms.  When Mike returned I was sitting on the couch actually crying this time.  Tre was sitting next to me with his arm still around my shoulder.  Mike rushed over crouching on the floor so he was more level with my face.  I felt so embarrassed crying in front of my friends and fellow band members.  But they were being so supportive of it.  Even Tre had a serious expression on his face when I looked up at them.  Mike stood and grabbed the phone off the table and starting dialing numbers.
“What are you doing?”  I asked looking up quickly.
“I’m calling Adrienne”
“Wait!  No you can’t!  Why?” I said in a big blurt jumping up trying to take the phone off him.  We both had grip on the phone, fighting over it like two kids fight over the last piece of cake.  Eventually I pulled the phone out of his tight grip and stepped back.
“What were you planning to say anyway?”  I asked holding the phone tightly.  Mike stayed silent.  
“I think she needs to know how you’re feeling about all this…” Mike said finally.  
“I just don’t want her to know anything.  I don’t even want to hear her voice.  I just need a break for a night.”
“But you’re so upset.” Mike said walking towards me.  “Seeing you upset makes me upset.”  Mike said in a calm tone.  I dried my face with my sleeve as I put the phone back on the receiver.
“You hungry?”  Mike asked changing the subject.
“I sure am” Tre replied.
“Not you dumbass” Mike said giving him a light punch on the shoulder.  My stomach was grumbling, but I didn’t really feel like eating.
“I guess…”  I said.  Mike went back to the phone and picked it up.
“What are you doing?” I asked quickly before he could dial any numbers.
“Ordering some pizza?”  Mike said in a sarcastic tone.  I sat on the couch with an embarrassed look on my face.  Tre laughed and patted me on the back.

We ate in the lounge room watching our Bullet in a Bible DVD.  It was funny watching me, Mike and Tre performing.  We usually never find the time to watch these things.  It felt so cliché.  Pizza and Movies.  It’s more something a bunch of teenage girls would do, but it was fun.
Eventually we got tired.  Mike and Tre were already asleep on the floor by the time I returned from the bathroom.  I threw myself onto the couch and closed my eyes.  I thought about Adrienne and the kids.  I miss her, but at the same I really hate her for divorcing me.  Most of it is my fault though.  I always came home pissed and she just put up with it until now.  I disserve this loneliness.  I’m the one that has caused all this.  It’s about time I change and become a better husband and father…

…And in the darkest night
If my memory serves me right
I'll never turn back time

Forgetting you, but not the time

~ End ~